Recently, many conversations have been focused around fear. Whether in the form of doubts, social ramifications, or bodily injury, the same explanations have been recurring. “Yeah, but”, then insert an excuse. Courage is one of the foundational virtues of being a man, but in the absence of courage there is fear. Now, fear is a necessity. Without it we would have no reason to avoid danger, our bodies wouldn’t heighten to superhuman levels when at risk, and more than likely we would be easily killed or maimed as we would have no reason to be weary of real threats. So what is the line where fear is no longer an asset, and becomes a liability?
First, we need to understand the separation of real and perceived fear. In today’s ever connected world, fears have become localized that may not even affect us for ratings or politics. Statistics are used to navigate an agenda instead of provide facts. Real fear is immediate, you have only seconds or moments to decide what the outcome will be. It no longer lives in the realm of potential, but in the realm of happening. When real fear is present you will immediately get a dump of adrenaline into your body. When uninitiated the results can be wide ranging. From shaking, sweating and increased heart rate, all the way to petrification, fainting and/or urination. When initiated, the lower end of the side effects can be harnessed to run faster, see clearer, hear more, and provide superhuman strength.
Perceived Fear, on the other hand, is what most people allow to dictate their actions. It isn’t immediate. It isn’t even happening. An example would be fearing a mass shooting as if it occurred to you, because you heard about it on the news 6,000 miles away and cancelling plans to go out in public. It is a mental gymnastics perpetrated internally that can lead to the same outcome as real fear. When left unchecked a person can end up cowering in the corner of their mother’s basement fearing the wind. To one degree or another we all have to face some level of perceived fear, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, or fear of car accidents, muggings, or mass shootings. It has been said that the only true absence of fear is death; however we don’t have to let these perceived fears stop us from living fully, protecting our tribes, or being fulfilled.
Now that we understand real versus perceived fear, let us return to the question above, moving fear from liability to asset. Fear is a strong human emotion. As mentioned, it can lead to superhuman feats or crippling panic. The best way to cultivate fear asset mentality is to do things you are afraid of in controlled environments. For instance, if you are afraid of heights take up rock climbing with safety protocols. If you fear being kidnapped, take self defense classes. Generating confidence in an area you fear or creating a skillset meant to counterbalance you fears, is the fastest way to counteract fear as a liability and turn it in to an asset.
I was going to close the message out with the last passage, ‘do what you fear’; however, there is another less physical aspect of fear, especially in the sociopolitical space. This is fear of social repercussions, loss of job, loss of friendships, or loss of family ties. I understand this fear all to well, having spent 10 years locked in a proverbial box out of this fear. This is where setting your perimeter is absolutely critical. Often times, if we are honest with ourselves, the things we fear will be impacted do not align with our principles, or our concept of a fulfilling life. Once you set your perimeter, understanding who and what matters most in your world, you will be equipped with a filtration system. The setting of your perimeter will give you a compass to guide your actions. You will understand what matters to you and what doesn’t. Who matters to you and who doesn’t. With this knowledge the fear of being shunned, judged, or cast out will be more manageable as a result. It allows you to understand that those that would shun you are not within your perimeter, and by extension not worth the concern.
